Rob Stoakes: Comparing Sorcerer's Apprentice to Scott Pilgrim VS The World

Sponge Culture Reviews
Rob Stoakes Compares

SORCERER’S APPRENTICE
2010
JON TURTELTAUB
WALT DISNEY PICTURES

to

SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD
2010
EDGAR WRIGHT
UNIVERSAL PICTURES

Prologue

So not too recently I saw two films on the exact same day. The family-friendly magical adventure Sorcerer’s Apprentice and the nerd-friendly adapted-from-book adventure Scott Pilgrim vs the World. Which is better? Which is worse? Which contains more bread? Here is a recommendation for the two films as to which one you should see, though I’m so far behind, you probably have already seen them both, but shut up.

No fucking shit, Sherlock. How’d you work that one out? Was it the goatee, the hat, the long coat, the cane, the thick eyebrows, the evil glint in his eyes, the army of flying cockroaches or the fact that he's the guy who played Doctor Octopus?

Plot

So, it isn’t quite difficult to choose an obvious winner. Sorcerer’s Apprentice is a complex story about a war between two different schoolings of magic; those who follow Merlin and those who follow the evil sorceress and Queen-of-Hearts-look-alike Morgana. As Merlin’s apprentice, Balthazar, played by Nicolas Cage, traps Morgana in a Russian Doll thingy along with his dead girlfriend, while traitor Maxim, played by Alfred Molina, tries to free Morgana. Then there’s Dave, the chosen one, played by Jay Baruchel, a twenty something who looks about ten with a voice that has embedded itself in my personal hell, who is destined to kill Morgana. Scott Pilgrim’s plot, by contrast is basically “Some guy has to beat his girlfriend’s seven evil exes to win her heart.” So, can you guess the winner? That’s right, it’s Scott Pilgrim.

The reason for this is all the background stuff that is in the, well, background. And, frankly, Sorcerer’s Apprentice doesn’t have any depth, which is strange because half the film is Nicolas Cage banging on and on and on about Morgana and Maxim and Merlin and how his girlfriend’s dead and how Dave shouldn’t fall in love and all this fucking back-story that goes absolutely bloody nowhere. There’s no subtlety in any shape or form. We don’t learn anything about the characters and they, in turn, learn nothing. Dave doesn’t evolve. He doesn’t change. He starts in the film as a whiny nerdy socially-awkward berk, and he ends the film as a whiny nerdy socially-awkward berk. There’s some side-plot where he dates Teresa Palmer’s character Becky, who is also completely fucking useless in this film. There’s not a lot of training either, surprisingly. Dave knows fuck all about magic, then Balthazar says “Bitch I be training ya.” And then five minutes later, Dave knows all the spells he needs to survive. And, when they say there’s a whole league of Morgana’s servants, they’re lying. There’s exactly five of them: Morgana herself (who dies two minutes after arriving at the end), Maxim, Maxim’s apprentice (who doesn’t cast any spells, doesn’t have a fight scene and has two lines of dialogue, both of them 'wry' [?] comedic quips), some Chinese dude (who has one fight scene and then dies) and some woman doing an impersonation of Florence Nightingale (who doesn’t even get a line or a fight scene before she croaks). Oh, dear lord, I’m quaking in my boots, these five guys say they’re going to rule the world, yeah, you go for it. This movie has nothing to offer beyond face value, which is a labyrinthine mess of all sorts of loyalties and love triangles that don’t make a difference and all this crap. The plot stops then starts over and over and over as if it’s a Kremlin that won’t start.

Scott Pilgrim, however, is an incredibly deceptive movie. I told you what the plot was, but not what the movie is about. The movie has so many messages and subtle little side stories that it’s almost impossible to figure them all out. The major arc is about evolution. Unlike most romantic comedy underdogs, Scott Pilgrim, played by Michael Cera (stop laughing), isn’t a kind, gentle soul who tries to show the girl just how bad for her the jocks she dates usually are, oddly a role Michael Cera plays all the god damn time. In fact, Scott’s a giant prick. He’s whiny, stupid, immature, arrogant, sheltered and lazy and, though ultimately good-hearted, has not a clue on how to treat people. He treats women like dirt, uses self-pity to drag them into pitying him too and simply refuses to accept the fact that anything’s wrong with him. At the end of the film, however, he literally defeats the last evil-ex by coming to terms with just how badly he’s been treating people. His girlfriend Ramona goes through an evolution, seeing as she was the one who wronged all her evil exes and simply tries to hide from the fact by running away all the time, repeatedly making the same mistakes and letting her evil exes catch up to her over and over. Again, at the end, she finally admits to Scott that she’s not the perfect woman she’s been made out to be, and in fact she’s probably not even the best choice for him. These are just two of the many, many evolutions. You could talk about the evolutions all day, but the point is that this movie has so much depth it’s almost bursting at the reams, and yet it never becomes confusing. It’s quite clear what each character goes through, and it also never detracts from the main premise of “Seven evil exes are trying to beat the shite out of you, Scott.” It’s fast; it never seems forced and flows brilliantly. If Sorcerer’s Apprentice is a Kremlin, then Scott Pilgrim’s a Boeing 747, pulsing along like mental. One point to Scott Pilgrim.

SORCERER’S APPRENTICE – 0 SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD - 1

Acting/Characters

Now this is where it really gets unfair. While yes, comparing Nicolas Cage to Michael Cera when it comes to acting is a bit like comparing Haute Cuisine to gravel over which would be a better meal, Nicolas Cage is so badly miscast, you could’ve put a hamster in the role of Balthazar and it would’ve made more sense. Here we have an actor known to be wild and eccentric, who less chews on scenery as tear chunks out of it with his jaw, who has frequently made otherwise bad movies into barrels of fun and steals the scene in much of his work, and he’s playing such a sedate, boring old man, it feels as if you cast Lawrence Olivier to play as one of the Mr Men. His character is a dull, boring old fart who is completely uninteresting, and Nicolas Cage adds nothing to the role. The rest of the cast of Sorcerer’s Apprentice is passable, but nothing to write home about, besides Alfred Molina playing a very good Maxim, bringing a spark of cynicism and life into what could’ve been easily a very boring carbon copy of every villain in every kid’s film ever made. However… there’s also Jay Baruchel as the protagonist Dave.

Man, is this guy bad. I don’t mean ‘not that good’ or ‘bad compared to the rest of the cast’, I mean he’s fucking terrible. His nasally voice seems completely unable to express any emotion other than confusion, and his body language is almost like a cartoon character. When he seems depressed, he literally puts his face in his hands and droops his shoulders rather suddenly, taking lessons of acting from Mickey Mouse. NOBODY ACTS LIKE THIS!!! Would you like to drop your jaw to the floor while you’re at it, or turn your eyes into love hearts whenever Teresa Palmer walks by? You’re a human being, not one of the Looney Tunes.

Once again, Scott Pilgrim trumps this category with its superior casting. I mean, alright, I’ve never liked Michael Cera’s acting that much, but I actually couldn’t think of a better actor to play Scott Pilgrim, except for the fact that Scott Pilgrim in the books and the film is supposed to be twenty three, and Michael Cera himself looks nine. There’s also the fact that Anna Kendrick plays his younger sister, and looks a lot older than him, and I mean decades older. However, this doesn’t mean that she puts in a bad performance, and her and the rest of the cast is phenomenal. While each of the cast puts forward a very strong performance, two real scene stealers who I’d like to give special mention to are Kieran Culkin as Wallace Wells, Scott’s roommate and one of the best examples of deadpan comedy I’ve seen in a long time, and the relatively unknown newbie Ellen Wong as Scott’s ex-girlfriend Knives Chau, who is on fire and has to stop because she is frighteningly close to the source material. These two are in particular strong because, though not just because, their roles could’ve come across as deadly annoying, whether it’s Wallace’s smug wryness or Knives’ hyperactive schoolgirl demeanour, and instead they are on fire all the way through and get a lot of the best jokes. Point to Scott Pilgrim.

SORCERER’S APPRENTICE – 0 SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD - 2

Cinematography and/or Animation

Now here’s where it gets a bit more difficult to split, because both films have very good action sequences. While Sorcerer’s Apprentice goes for a CG-heavy zap-a-thon with lightening and spells rocketing all over the place, Scott Pilgrim goes for much more kung-fu heavy punch ups. Both do a very good job with their respective action scenes, and each action scene has a completely different feel and aesthetic attitude. The fight scenes in Sorcerer’s Apprentice draw heavy influence from the surroundings, such as statues coming to life, people throwing bins at each, while Scott Pilgrim draws influence in the fighting from the evil exes Scott is fighting. For example, the fight with the Japanese twins is full of CG animation of anime-esque monsters, while the fight with the film star is a gritty punch up with a harsher tone and next to no CG. However, in terms of action, I’m tempted to go with Sorcerer’s Apprentice, seeing as fighting is the only kind of action sequence there is in Scott Pilgrim, while in Sorcerer’s Apprentice there are car chases, fires, and all sorts of mad shit going on, almost like a fireworks display of wild speed. It’s just that the fight scenes in Scott Pilgrim are really, really good anyway. Now, because I didn’t make any jokes in that last paragraph, here’s a silly picture of Nicolas Cage and a point to both films.

SORCERER’S APPRENTICE – 1 SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD – 3

In terms of the CG itself, that’s a lot easier to decide, because Scott Pilgrim cheats. The CG in Scott Pilgrim is incredibly cartoon-like and unreal, with comic panels integrated into the shots and words like “Pow” and “Biff” and “Zap” and “Morrison” whenever anybody punches somebody else. So, yes, it doesn’t look exactly realistic. So comparing this to a film that is trying to look realistic is like trying to compare bread to The Rolling Stones. It’s not particularly easy, and Mick Jagger might have a problem with you trying to spread jam on him and eat him. Despite this, with Sorcerer’s Apprentice, the effects look pretty, but you can tell what’s real and what isn’t from a mile away, a bit like how you can tell a car horn from a man shouting "HONK!". And there’s a giant metal bird that looks as if it’s made of paper. Once more, a point to Scott Pilgrim.

WELL, GIVE US A CHANCE – 1 SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD – 4

Other Notes

So… yeah. Sorcerer’s Apprentice doesn’t exactly look too good, does it? However, I can actually think one point in its favour, and it’s a big one, because this is why Sorcerer’s Apprentice, no matter how bad or good it is, will make millions more than Scott Pilgrim. Sorcerer’s Apprentice is a family film. I know, I know. Sad, yes, but true. Scott Pilgrim doesn’t exactly have the widest of demographics. The less you know about video games, comics, children’s cartoons and just about any form of media that was around in the nineties, the more you’ll hate this movie. It’s so insanely nerdy; just about every line is a reference to a Super Nintendo game even Nintendo has never heard of. While I’ve always thought that if you have a target demographic, stick to it and don’t try to include people who definitely won’t like it, I can think of a lot more people I could recommend Sorcerer’s Apprentice to over Scott Pilgrim, which is a same because, and this might cause a little bit of controversy, but Scott Pilgrim is probably the best film of the past four years.

I’ve said it. Never expect me to give anything praise in any review ever again.

Scott Pilgrim elbows his way past the Invisible Man.

It boils me that Sorcerer’s Apprentice ticks all the boxes. It’s so obviously trying to be “Good” rather than “Great” because good’s easier and makes more money. Scott Pilgrim doesn’t tick the boxes, it just bites into the form and spits out the mush on the table before pulling out it’s PlayStation Portable and whooping about how badly it just ‘pwned’ Paul Phoenix in Tekken. Sorcerer’s Apprentice is just such bloody business-man-like designed-by-committee that it succeeds everywhere it needs to and only where it needs to. Let’s give a reluctant point to Sorcerer’s Apprentice and move on.

SORCERER’S APPRENTICE – 2 SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD – 4

Now for the soundtrack… well… I can’t actually remember a single song from Sorcerer’s Apprentice.

SORCERER’S APPRENTICE – 2 SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD – 5

Final Word

So the final scores are that Sorcerer’s Apprentice is quite clearly a lot worse than Scott Pilgrim. Go see that instead. End of review. Now piss off.